God has been showing me over and over again that He will provide. Every time I ask, He provides. This morning was no exception. As I began my morning workout, I thought “God, it would be so refreshing to be able to walk in the rain this morning!”
I knew there was rain in the forecast for today but I had witnessed the end of the sunrise as I was driving to the gym and there was no rain in sight. As I went through my workout, I kept looking out the window but still no rain. I finished my workout and with one last look out the window, my eyes were met with bright sunshine. I made a brief stop in the locker room to wash the nasty sweaty germs from my hands that people leave behind on the machines and then I headed for the door.
What’s that? Is it really? Seriously? Yep!! Rain drops are falling! Huge, God sized, you can’t miss em rain drops like you've never seen before! :) I savored the moment! I walked v…e…r…y slowly to my car. The rain drops washed over me as I paused to look up. I really did not see any rain clouds that would support the presence of such enormous drops of rain. The only thing I saw was the sun. It was the coolest thing! Even more hope was added to an already overflowing soul!
I got in my car and once I was out of the parking lot, I started looking for the rainbow. I looked over my left shoulder. I looked over my right shoulder. I looked in front of me. I looked in the rear view mirror. I looked all around. Then I realized I probably needed to be looking at the road!! Yikes! But even though I couldn't see the rainbow, I knew it was there. Kinda like, you can’t see God...but you know He’s there.
For me, today, the rain drops symbolized Christ and the rainbow symbolized God.
Christ is the visible image of the
invisible God.
He existed before anything was created
and is supreme over all creation.
Colossians 1:15
But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! John 15:7
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Blog Kick-off...
On Sunday, January 3, 2010, as I sat in a prayer meeting, God revealed something to me. I was appalled and disgusted with that revelation! A couple of days after that prayer meeting, I shared with a friend what God had revealed to me, BUT I didn't confess it to God or repent. Why? Because I didn't feel like I could talk to God. My prayer life was already stale but add to that the embarrassment and shame I felt. So, instead, I took what God revealed to me and I buried it back in to the depths of my heart...which is what Satan wanted me to do. That is where it had been for God knows how long and that is where it stayed for the next seven weeks...with the exception of God not letting it go. He continued to stir in me during those seven weeks.
On Wednesday, January 6, 2010, I received a phone call from the state director of my place of employment. (She is also a good friend of mine.) She told me that she needed to meet me at the office because she needed to talk to me. I heard it in her voice but I spent the afternoon hoping that I was wrong. I wasn't. As I sat in her office, I received the news that my position was being eliminated. Do I believe that this layoff was a result of my refusal to repent?...NO, not at all! But I do believe that God is using it in several ways! (Possibly more on that in another post.) I experienced two layoffs in 2008 (alright, the first one was a layoff and the second was more of a "you're not cut out for this job so why don't you go clean out your desk and not come back" which I guess amounts to being fired.). But this recent layoff has felt different from the moment that I learned about it. I felt God's presence in that office that day. I felt comforted and confident that everything was/is going to be ok.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. It was my first week of unemployment so I had a lot of free time which left me with several hours each day to reflect on the condition of my heart. It was a time of brokenness. It was a week of depression. I started that week out as low as I thought I could have possibly gotten and then I went even lower. But, that brokenness took me to where I needed to be to confess and repent. Idolatry, jealousy and envy were the sins embedded in my heart. That was what God revealed to me back on January 3rd...but God wasn't done with me yet. Last week, pride was also exposed in my heart. I don't think I ever realized that there are two kinds of pride...obvious pride ("a focus on self that is expressed in thoughts and attitudes, words and actions. It focuses on my knowledge, strength and possessions.") and hidden pride ("a focus on one's inner pain and feelings of rejection that develop into self-pity resulting in an inability to see anything except one's own needs and feelings. They cannot reach out to others and may attack those closest to them."). I had hidden pride in my heart.
For a long time, I had felt like I was constantly in battle but I wasn't quite sure why. But it was a battle between the sin that had taken root in my heart and my desire to live a life led by the Holy Spirit. I knew that I wanted the Spirit led life, but didn't know why I couldn't seem to grasp it. God has shown me why.
This past week, I finally felt free to go boldly and confidently into God's presence! I spent time on Wednesday reading through Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians and 1 & 2 Thessalonians. There is now a ton of underlining in my Bible in those six books. But the passage that brought me in to a time of prayer and thanksgiving was Galatians 5:16-26...
So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.
When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. There is no law against these things!
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit's leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.
Galatians 5:16-26
One of my goals in life is to be transparent for God's glory. Sometimes I'm not so great at being transparent when it comes to speaking. I would love to be an eloquent speaker one day if that is God's will, but one of God's gifts to me today is my ability to be transparent through writing. Kicking off another blog after an absence of several years is scary but God's forgiveness, grace and mercy push me forward. My sins are nailed to the cross! If God has something to say through my writing, who am I to say no to Him?
For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. Galatians 5:13
It is my prayer that God will use my transparency in this blog for His glory. It is my prayer that through my freedom in Christ, I can serve other's in love.
On Wednesday, January 6, 2010, I received a phone call from the state director of my place of employment. (She is also a good friend of mine.) She told me that she needed to meet me at the office because she needed to talk to me. I heard it in her voice but I spent the afternoon hoping that I was wrong. I wasn't. As I sat in her office, I received the news that my position was being eliminated. Do I believe that this layoff was a result of my refusal to repent?...NO, not at all! But I do believe that God is using it in several ways! (Possibly more on that in another post.) I experienced two layoffs in 2008 (alright, the first one was a layoff and the second was more of a "you're not cut out for this job so why don't you go clean out your desk and not come back" which I guess amounts to being fired.). But this recent layoff has felt different from the moment that I learned about it. I felt God's presence in that office that day. I felt comforted and confident that everything was/is going to be ok.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. It was my first week of unemployment so I had a lot of free time which left me with several hours each day to reflect on the condition of my heart. It was a time of brokenness. It was a week of depression. I started that week out as low as I thought I could have possibly gotten and then I went even lower. But, that brokenness took me to where I needed to be to confess and repent. Idolatry, jealousy and envy were the sins embedded in my heart. That was what God revealed to me back on January 3rd...but God wasn't done with me yet. Last week, pride was also exposed in my heart. I don't think I ever realized that there are two kinds of pride...obvious pride ("a focus on self that is expressed in thoughts and attitudes, words and actions. It focuses on my knowledge, strength and possessions.") and hidden pride ("a focus on one's inner pain and feelings of rejection that develop into self-pity resulting in an inability to see anything except one's own needs and feelings. They cannot reach out to others and may attack those closest to them."). I had hidden pride in my heart.
For a long time, I had felt like I was constantly in battle but I wasn't quite sure why. But it was a battle between the sin that had taken root in my heart and my desire to live a life led by the Holy Spirit. I knew that I wanted the Spirit led life, but didn't know why I couldn't seem to grasp it. God has shown me why.
This past week, I finally felt free to go boldly and confidently into God's presence! I spent time on Wednesday reading through Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians and 1 & 2 Thessalonians. There is now a ton of underlining in my Bible in those six books. But the passage that brought me in to a time of prayer and thanksgiving was Galatians 5:16-26...
So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.
When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. There is no law against these things!
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit's leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.
Galatians 5:16-26
One of my goals in life is to be transparent for God's glory. Sometimes I'm not so great at being transparent when it comes to speaking. I would love to be an eloquent speaker one day if that is God's will, but one of God's gifts to me today is my ability to be transparent through writing. Kicking off another blog after an absence of several years is scary but God's forgiveness, grace and mercy push me forward. My sins are nailed to the cross! If God has something to say through my writing, who am I to say no to Him?
For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. Galatians 5:13
It is my prayer that God will use my transparency in this blog for His glory. It is my prayer that through my freedom in Christ, I can serve other's in love.
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